31 May
Between 42 and 43 years old - The Third Lesson - Part II

As my heart had predicted, something very heavy and sad was going to happen. Almost halfway through the year, on a Saturday, we went to my youngest aunt and godmother's birthday. It was a memorable party. My mother was very happy... it was me, my wife, the little star, my father and my mother together. Throughout the party, I saw my mother talking to everyone, always with that smile and joy that were her characteristics.. she ate, drank, talked, laughed... in short, she was radiant. Because of the little star, we couldn't stay too late... even so, we left after midnight. We got into the van and my father and mother went out in the back with the little star. They played the whole time... and we arrived at my parents' house, the house where I was born and where I lived for several years of my life. I remember that my father went up to the entrance of the building and my mother stayed in the street with us... I was worried about security and asked her to come in... I still remember her giving me a kiss and going to the entrance of the building... I never forgot this image in my mind, until today... I started the truck and we went home.

When we got there, we put the little star on the bed and went to sleep... Around 4:00 am the phone rang... scared, I got up and answered it... it was my father who, in his pain, told me the following: " My son, your mother died... I need you here...". My wife was listening and got up scared... she and I were in disbelief, we struggled to understand what had happened... when I managed to understand everything, I was numb, as if I had been dreaming... we called my mother-in-law so she could keep the little star and we went to my parents house..

When I got there, I saw my dear mother lying on a covered couch... she was cold.. she wasn't there anymore... I saw my disconsolate father telling me that it was for me to resolve the legal issues and the burial just stating that he didn't want to that my mother would go into forensic medicine... I was afraid that my mother's organs would be stolen. I was very devastated... I was a bit homeless, a bit out of place... My parents' house seemed sadder, it had lost its light... I saw the Minnie doll that my mother had brought to the little star... I remembered I remember the times my dear mother would stay with her...

Most of all I was worried about my father... his generation was raised with the woman/wife being the housewife who took care of him.. he lived for her and she for him.. I had no idea how he would do to react. Legal medicine arrived and I called the funeral home... I went to resolve the necessary matters for my mother's funeral and then I had to choose the coffin... what a difficult moment... then came the funeral... I remember that my heart I was small, sad and remorseful... I kept thinking about everything my mother wanted to do and didn't do... she wanted me to take the little star for a walk in my brothers' land and reunite the family, she wanted to go to Israel , traveling, finally living longer... not your time and I felt I could do more...

My father cried a lot, as did the whole family... my mother was the sister of reference to the others... my godmother was disconsolate, my godfather looked like he didn't believe it... it looked like there had been a war and there was only one left devastated land... AT a certain moment, before the religious celebration, I approached the coffin she was in and said "I'm sorry, my mother! I could have been a better son!! I'm sorry for everything!! I hope you could have proud of me someday!! Soon, my whole family took me out of there and told me that I was wrong... that I was always a good son. I was the son who was always by her side.

Regardless of any opinion, I felt a great deal of remorse for not having given my mother the joys and dreams she wanted... I swore that would never happen again. A tsunami was passing through my life again... I was wondering how I was going to take care of my father... I was afraid of losing him too, because I didn't know if he would be able to live without her. The burial came... until then it seemed like a nightmare... but when the coffin was placed in the mausoleum, I realized that it was really happening... On the outside, I was strong and like a rock, on the inside I was broken and afraid of what was to come. I just knew that now my father would need me more than ever.

I took my father to my house and we welcomed him with lots of love and affection. I told my wife that our life would change and that we should look for another house to live in... we would have to take care of my father, because I was always an "only child" and I always took care of them... I was always proud of that. Thus, life gave me the third lesson... life is a river full of souls, but there are souls that are dear to you and are not eternal... we must honor these souls by giving them love, care, attention, respect and dignity... this is the truth of charity... we need to recognize souls for their heart and love... could have been more careful.

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