Between 42 and 43 years old - The Third Lesson - Part I

The little star started the school year at public school. We were a little apprehensive if it would work. My dear wife closely followed the little star's day to day life. As for the operation, we were observing the little star's gains and she returned to her physiotherapy routine (normal and in the pool), occupational therapy and speech therapy... we had to redo our entire routine, but it was very rewarding to have the little star's smile, your joy, your strength of life and your resilience back. Throughout the year following the operation, we worked and observed the evolution of the little star.... it was a year of a lot of learning, a lot of work and a lot of light.

I was, at this stage, working at a state research agency, at night at a college, and sporadically teaching in another state on a graduate course on weekends. It was very stressful, but we needed the resources to continue giving what the little star needed. I was often sad, because I felt that I was far from my little star, but it was my mission of love for her... I worked so that she could live with quality of life.

At work, I experienced difficulties, as some employees at the research center thought I was working elsewhere instead of taking care of the little star. I invested money in a van to take the little star's wheelchair, it was very difficult. They raised false testimony about me and things started to get complicated... they started to make my schedules in the state difficult. At the time, I was devastated, as I have always been an honest and hardworking person. I have never harmed anyone, at least as far as I know.

Fortunately, I had dear friends at work and they all helped me get through this phase in a less sad and depressing way. At that time and until today, I lived for my family. On weekends, for the most part, he worked on Saturdays and Sundays as an educator, when he wasn't traveling to teach.

I desperately tried to cover my absences with gifts for the little star and my wife... everywhere I went, I always found something that I thought was interesting for the little star and my dear wife. Once I brought a bear almost a meter tall... our dog and the little star had a party with him... it was really cool!! At the same time, I missed my little star and my dear wife... I didn't have much to do as I had to go on. I knew my wife was proud and admired my dedication, but it came at a high price, my time with the little star. I always thought I would be rewarded for this by giving her the miracle of being healed of her spinal condition. I loved and love my daughter very much and also my dear wife.

So, a new year begins... I remember this beginning of the year very well, because I was at the beach with my family and my parents... I remember feeling empty at the turn of the year, as if a storm was on the way I came... my heart was anxious... little did I know what was coming. The first few months were the same routine for the little star, me and my wife. We were getting worried because we didn't see the improvement we had hoped for in the little star. Most of the time, I tried not to think about it and focus on my philosophy one day at a time, without thinking about the future... it gave me focus and diverted my darkest thoughts... mainly, from the most terrible sentence I experienced throughout my life..."What if...". This sentence represents for me the sound of silence, the dagger that hurts, the candle that burns, that which breaks any heart... it brings the feeling of regret and the search for understanding/solution for what we have no answer for... it is made to be lived... the path that is traced depends on our free will or choices and we have to bear the consequences, always knowing that we seek to do the best, within the experience and knowledge we have... I questioned all my life if I should have gone right instead of left, if I had opened the back door instead of the wooden one... our souls. The important thing is that we must always do what our heart tells us... I always followed my heart and my intuition in relation to things, drinking from the source of the wisdom of the elderly... I won, I lost, I was happy, I was sad, I suffered, I lived... in short, I followed the flow of life.