14 May
The beginning

At first, it was just me, raised by life-conscious parents. I walked along the path being guided by the stones.. family, conscience and life. Gradually the river flowed a little shy in its flow, different in its shape, but full of life.

I was never a visionary, I was an apprentice, working out the recipe for life little by little. Throughout my childhood and youth, I always saw myself as a distorted portrait forgotten by the opposite sex and remembered by friends. Several were the forms and portraits in which the feelings flowed.

Little by little, I discovered a gift, in which I could feel people's souls, I saw the future and the past, I saw sadness and joy. And so, in the meeting of souls, in a short time, the core of the soul knew that it shared its light with me. At first, it ends up being seen as just a friend, a soul that holds hands, but, as with any exchange, the more I got into the soul, depending on its gender, the more I learned and the more I stuck.

Love was inevitable, because the more you know your soul and that of the other, the greater the feeling and the river flows...

The reaction was unexpected, frightening was the feeling of impotence when discovering that I, the hiker, knew more about the other soul than she did. Thus, souls moved away out of fear, lack of knowledge... and thus, no one saw me as a human being in need of love and with much to reveal.

As my youth passed, I felt more and more like an oyster, which needed to be opened to reveal its treasure. I ended up feeling like a worthless being, invisible to the light and the eyes of others. I was haunted by inferiority thoughts over the years, as I was looking for someone to share my feelings and thoughts with, but the fog of society's stereotype prevented anyone from discovering what I had to offer.

Until one day, on a trip, I found two souls, who saw me as I was and not in the mirror, I felt like a flowing river again and managed to break through the armor and discover that I was a human being with value. ... that what I had could be shared with kindness, affection, humility and an open heart.

I was a leader, I made new friends, I discovered the path of leadership, I realized that I was admired, souls approached and I thought I could shine like the sun and finally be able to love someone and be loved for who I was.

What an illusion... when I left the leadership, the "friends" were gone, I again became invisible and the shock shuddered in my soul. I saw that, in this world, the pure are flogged, that charity was not valued and that true friendship was for few. For the opposite sex, when there was chemistry, I was a hurricane, in which the soul was an open book, in a short time, I filled that soul and discovered its secrets... me and vulnerable for knowing that I would give him everything and that there could be no secrets... Several times, I could feel my heart beating and fear rising.

And, during my youth, I couldn't be appreciated by anyone, because I was the aberration that deviated from society's standards, it wasn't the stereotype that they wanted, despite being an athlete, to win battles, however, invisible.

I don't even know how to explain the suffering I had inside my heart... a heart thirsting for love and for the beautiful eyes that could feel what I felt... pure affection and unconditional love... I was a free bird caged by a stereotype .. I was ugly on the outside, but maybe, for someone, beautiful on the inside.

So it was my first 18 years.... flowing like a river with a strong current, many obstacles, many challenges, few rewards... I was looking for a flat and open space to flow to other places, other crossroads....

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