To be who we are or to be who they want us to be?

Lately, after finding myself wandering through devastated land, I have been trying to understand the world around me, its specificities and its challenges. In this phase of my journey, I have observed the bubble in which I lived, a layer of my own light and family growth, which unexpectedly shattered, bringing me to a reality similar to the mysteries of Agatha Christie. But how so? 

When I was single, many years ago, one sought a person to share life with, to build a family and share the entire journey. As the priest would say at the altar, "in joy and in sorrow, in health and in sickness," a phrase that seems cliché, but which faithfully describes a relationship based on the desire to be together, on the feeling that both represent peace and serenity for the whole. Being together, even in the greatest difficulties, conveys strength and determination, love and affection, tensions and arguments. Obviously, when deciding on marriage or, more recently, cohabitation—without any reservations or reprimands—this choice, especially nowadays, should be very well thought out, evaluating the feelings and consequences of this decision, as it involves very deep feelings and dreams. 

The union of two people is a daily construction of checks and balances, in which both benefit as a whole. There is no room for "mine" and "yours," but for "ours"... our well-being, our outlook on life, our vision of a shared path where the greatest weight is the desire to be together, which can be translated into two very significant words: love (physical, mental, and spiritual) and charity (understanding and humility). 

Well, I had a 30-year union, during which I experienced unthinkable situations, a lot of stress and suffering, but also many joys and achievements. I've had periods in my life where it seemed my union was doomed to fail, not for lack of love, but because of the situations we faced along the way that constantly tested our feelings for each other. But, in an incredibly difficult way, and with the help of God, these obstacles would dissipate, and life would go on, and, incredibly, love and charity would flourish even more. However, for everything in life, there are limits that cannot be crossed, even with love and charity, the vision of life of each individual. The way we see life and its purpose is fundamental to understanding how each soul reacts to life's losses and gains. This issue, which may seem simple, cost me the life of the person I loved most in the world. The way we react and understand what happens can make you a fortress or a raging sea in an endless storm. In the fortress, you assimilate and move forward with all the inherent difficulties, seeking life. In the turbulent sea of an endless storm, you can't process what happened and remain trapped in an infinite loop of sadness and guilt, incessantly searching for an escape valve to allow yourself glimpses of some kind of happiness. I experienced these two "choices," both personally and with my partner. In practice, they aren't "choices," but actions that stem from how we see life and its purpose. If we have a purpose in life, which should involve both the "we" and the "I," difficulties, even Herculean ones, tend to be overcome with great effort and faith. When purpose is absent, life loses its flavor, becomes bitter, and leads us to patterns of despair and a search for some temporary lifeline, which momentarily removes us from the pain and suffering of wandering aimlessly. 

So, what does this have to do with the title of this text? The answer is everything. We are, by definition, social beings. We need companionship, contact, experiences, setbacks, overcoming challenges, sadness, joy, pain, disappointments, and victories. This makes us grow and become better, it makes us seek the best in ourselves in order to achieve that famous happiness. To seek a lasting union with another person, we need to mature as human beings, understanding that we are not the best thing since sliced bread and that we must always look at the other person seeking balance between the self and the collective. 

Given this, we have an extremely challenging reality, in which the most recent generations generally cannot accept loss and failure, as they are accustomed to solving everything through the virtual environment, social networks, and the culture of having and being. Today, the exterior, virtual exposure, superficiality, lack of commitment, and lack of responsibility are valued. It is easier to remain superficial, as there is no risk and there is the possibility of instant pleasure, and, depending on the modus operandi, regular pleasure. 

However, this modus operandi, as expected, becomes saturated over time, as it cannot eternally fulfill human needs. At a certain point, we feel the need for someone to share life with, someone to share our minds, space, and hearts. 

But how do we do that? How do we win over this someone, if what we have today is immediacy, exposure, and an extreme value placed on material possessions, vices, appearances, and libidos? What is commonly observed today is the pursuit of instant pleasure based on alcohol consumption, where physical satisfaction is expected and, as if by a miracle, deep down in the soul, perhaps finding someone different in this reality. 

So, the question that titles this text remains: To be who we are or to be who they want us to be? Accepting our core nature as social beings and seeking happiness in growth and learning, which is considered the most difficult path today, or remaining "safe" in fluid and superficial relationships, based on instant pleasure grounded in the belief of physical satisfaction and the miracle of perhaps finding someone different in this reality. 

Just for reflection, every human being is destined to become extinct at some point. What we truly take with us, even in death, are the feelings, charity, and love we feel. All the rest, material things, remain. What we plant throughout life, we reap. What we are is what we have that is most precious and that no one should take from us, but which, unfortunately, we can lose in the face of reality and society if we don't pay attention to the values that truly matter in life: companionship, happiness, love, and charity. 

Take some time to have dinner and talk with your family, to discuss and converse with friends and loved ones, to understand the world around you... forget about virtual technologies for a while and evaluate the impact they have on who we are and what we think. 

Look for someone who is truly worthwhile, who values you as a person and who believes that one plus one being makes "us" and not a collection of "I's". 

Be human and above all, be happy!!