Understanding what we don't see, because it's beyond words.

I've been going through difficult times, sometimes like a black hole that sucks all your energy and confronts you with a lack of light.

Thoughts that reflect my life and the paths I've taken have been haunting me lately... it's as if I've forgotten an open door or taken a wrong turn. I can recall several moments in my life where I had to face difficult decisions that could have had undesirable consequences.

My decision to drop everything and pursue a degree in another city, even leaving a soul who loved me dearly behind... was a difficult decision, but it worked out. It was when I discovered that I mattered to someone other than my parents. And how this soul has valued me throughout my life...

When I had to care for my father and my sick daughter at the same time, it became impossible, as I worked three shifts from Monday to Saturday... my daughter was getting worse and worse, and my wife was increasingly exhausted... I had to decide between my daughter and my father... an impossible decision, as the love for both was and still is immeasurable... I had to choose between caring for both and losing them, or caring for one and asking for help to care for the other... I felt defeated... Fortunately, with God's help, the chosen path worked out, and I got my father back, but I lost my daughter, one of my most beloved treasures...

When, in the despair of losing my father-in-law and my father in the same month, 13 days apart, I had to support my wife and her family and endure the loss of one of the most important people in my life without being able to falter, dealing with death, the law, bureaucracy, responsibilities... not everything went well, but my promise was fulfilled, handing over the assets left to the rightful owners in the best possible way. But this cost me my family, even though I knew I'd never done anything but honor my family at every moment... I had to handle everything alone, without support and without family... only my wife. Seeing my family only think about possessions and forget the gratitude and recognition of those who did it without wanting anything for themselves, but rather for their own family (daughter and wife). I never asked for anything, only to feel part of a whole... but it wasn't enough...

Having to deal with the illness and death of the one I loved most in this life, managing assets for 12 years, solving everything without asking for practically anything, and seeing that my blood was more concerned with having things... destroyed my heart and left me with emptiness... but I'm here and I discovered that family isn't just blood, it's heart... I found another family to whom I owe a lot and I can't repay...

After the death of the one I loved most in life, I had to choose between life and death... to honor everyone I loved in life: dad, mom, my daughter, and my wife, I chose to live, which has proven difficult, but right, because I believe I still have things to do here... I'm not on earth for a walk, I'm here to be, every day, a better person... to honor the people who helped me and who made me who I am... in addition to honoring the life God gave me...

Starting over, at my age, is a task Herculean, because I believe in things that are no longer valued... family, love, care, truth and justice are part of who I am... besides, I am not perfect and I make mistakes constantly... but I believe in God and that despite making mistakes, I make mistakes trying to get it right and do what is right looking at my heart and my conscience. I chose to care for the only person I hadn't cared for properly throughout my life... myself, because there was no one else left for me to care for. Curious, but true... I always put those I loved first... and I forgot about myself... I don't regret that... I only regret not being strong enough to save those I loved most, not doing enough, even though I know I did what I could... This thought is unfair to myself, but I feel this way...

I always prayed for a miracle, but this wasn't my destiny in this life... We have to walk a path to become better, to learn humility, the importance of love, the importance of family, the importance of what we sow, and the importance of feeling that our duty has been fulfilled, even if the ending isn't happy...

With every step, every gain, every stumble, and every loss, I learned to always strive to be a better person, a better human being, a useful person. Neither better nor worse... just me...

And in this moment of my life, where I find myself beginning anew, I have sought with all my strength to honor my loved ones, to whom I have always dedicated my life, and to God, who in his infinite wisdom has shown his presence in every breath of my life... if I am who I am, I owe everything to God and to them...

I cannot forget those who are with me, for I also honor them every day. To them I share my eternal gratitude, for what I receive from them is compassion and love, but simple... without any self-interest or greed... I can't stop wondering if I deserve such kindness and affection, for I don't know if I repay them adequately... but, I thank God every day for their existence and for dedicating a little of their time to me.

I cannot forget those who are with me, for I also honor them every day. To them I share my eternal gratitude, for what I receive from them is compassion and love, but it is simple... without any self-interest or greed... I can't stop wondering if I deserve such kindness and affection, for I don't know if I repay them adequately... but I thank God every day for their existence and for dedicating a little of their time to me.

I leave you with a reflection: On this journey we call life, there have been many storms and many sunny days, but in all of them, we must always seek light and truth, for then you will never lack the blue sky and the breeze of peace... the Almighty will always be watching over you!

I am grateful for the opportunity to exist and learn with every breath of my life, feeling and seeking the essence of life: inner happiness.