What does the future hold?
Today, I reflect on my past—born of my knowledge and my very being—and try to understand who I am now. I recall a time when love was present, yet peace and tranquility were elusive due to circumstances beyond our control. I had a family, but lacked the time and wisdom to grasp just how precious time spent with loved ones truly is—from the smallest things to the greatest, from an inseparable four-legged friend to a deeply loved and long-awaited daughter. Flashes of memory bring back both pivotal and ordinary moments, down to the slightest sound or gesture.
From these thoughts flows *saudade*—a word derived from the Latin *solitatem* or *solitas*. While closely linked to what we call loneliness, it is imbued with a far greater sense of presence and love. We generally feel *saudade* for what we love and for things that evoke moments of deep significance to our souls. These moments may be joyful or sorrowful, yet they are always rooted in love.
As we journey through life, these feelings and experiences leave their mark, shaping the unique soul of every human being. They point us toward lessons—whether regarding human character or the nature of our own souls—serving as guides for our path in the present and future. Looking at the past, living in the present, and building the future is an arduous task, forged through hard work, sweat, laughter, and tears.
What do people see when they look at us? Do they truly understand who we are, or do they merely observe a complex—and sometimes obscure—entity, visible only on the surface? Along this journey, we forge our identity in the light of personal and family beliefs, combined with human knowledge and the presence of the soul we carry within. We are not always transparent enough on the surface; at times, we appear merely translucent—unassuming and guarded. To be seen, we have to be bold and even fearless—something that might seem positive at first glance but remains merely on the surface of the physical and the libidinal. Breaking down the mental barriers caused by numbness and letting these feelings (physical and libidinal) shine through is highly seductive and yields immediate results. Yet, more often than not, it fails to build genuine, lasting connections.
For some people—myself included—such attitudes actually create a side effect worse than the remedy itself: a void in the soul and heart, rooted in moments that are intoxicating yet fleeting and, ultimately, hollow. I struggle to accept that human existence boils down to nothing more than numbness and instant desire. I am an observer of human behavior, and I am almost always surprised by what I see and feel. I see people with gilded surfaces mingling with those whose surfaces are dull and lusterless. I wonder if, deep down, they possess something more precious, or if they remain forever on the surface.
Meanwhile, people like me seek to go beyond the surface—an approach that often scares others away. This happens either because they find the surface unexciting or because they realize that the person before them seeks and offers respect, wanting to understand the inner self before the outer shell. Of course, the surface draws attention and opens the door to a desire to understand what lies within. But because our inner selves define us far more than our surfaces do, we find it incredibly difficult to find someone who will open that door and let us in. I have faced many situations where I went unnoticed at first, only for a friend to scratch the surface, allowing the other person to truly know and recognize me as someone different. It has happened countless times.
Well, this brings me to the title of this piece: What does the future hold? Should I take the easy path—letting myself go and numbing my senses—or should I stay true to the course that has defined my life and which, in one way or another, represents who I truly am? Being invisible to others—whether through my own fault or not—is difficult when you aren't someone born to be a solitary wanderer. I am built to have a family alongside someone I love and to share in the fruits of that love.
My soul yearns for someone who shines—both inside and out—in my eyes, and for me to shine just as brightly for her; I long to find that small measure of peace every human being seeks. Unfortunately, this isn't a matter of choice or willpower; it emerges from the forging of a bond between two distinct souls who decide to intertwine their lives and face the journey ahead together. It cannot be explained; it is felt. It is about feeling good and whole as time goes by, despite all the hardships. It is looking over and feeling proud of the person beside you... I know what that feels like, having experienced it myself for many years.
The future has yet to be written, but I wonder: is it just me, or is it us? I have been striving to become a better person each day and to honor my ancestors as well as those I love and have loved... I hope I am worthy of them.
Devote time to what ennobles your soul, for that is eternal.